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Jesus Christ is back and he doesn’t like the gays

Mr Christ posing for a photo (Cascade News Agency)With pix, including documentation with the name Jesus Christ, and message with his name flashing up at doctors’ surgeryPicture by Julian Brown/ cascadenews.co.ukJESUS Christ, the doctor will see you now. Fellow patients thought they were seeing things when the display board at their GPs’ surgery flashed up the message “Mr Jesus Christ to Nurse Clare please”. Jesus, 77, changed his name from John Edward Birtwhistle by deed poll after discovering he had “healing powers”. But he’s been receiving medical help from professionals since he got shingles three years ago.

The Messiah has returned to Earth in the form of a 77-year-old retired bus driver (oh and he doesn’t like the gays).

Jesus Christ is back and he doesn’t like the gays
Mr Christ posing for a photo (Cascade News Agency)

John Edward Birtwhistle, who legally changed his name to Jesus Christ in 1996 after he realised he had ‘healing powers’, has said that “where sex is concerned, it has got to be between a man and a woman”.

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As the second coming of Jesus, PinkNews asked what his thoughts were on homosexuality. He said: “[Hetrosexuality] that’s the true form of sexuality. They produce children that way.

“It’s like with pianist Elton John. He has adopted children. He’s saying it is okay for two men to be parents. This is wrong. They should come from a male and female, not a male and male or female and female.

“But we can’t judge that person as they may have a debt from a previous life. Otherwise it wouldn’t happen.”

Mr Christ, who was a coal miner before he drove buses and ran a B&B, added that free will meant people shouldn’t judge gay people, before comparing being homosexual to murder.

“If someone wants to be homosexual, that it up to them,” he added.

“In God’s eyes it is wrong. It is alright if they want to be friends but if it comes down to the physical side, it’s not. It is their choice. We mustn’t interfere.

“God allows free will. If a homosexual comes into a church that person must be treated with respect. You can’t go round condemning people. You could say murder is wrong but you have still got to forgive that person.

“When two people love each other, the creator gives them the go ahead. It is being allowed. We shouldn’t condemn it or agree with it.

“I presume it wasn’t mentioned 2000 years ago because there weren’t as many homosexuals as there are today. But we should show respect, if you do it, you do it.”

Mr Christ changed his name when people started to refer to him as Jesus and he helped someone suffering from a sore neck.

He added that he discovered he was the son of God when memories started to come back to him in dreams.

“When I was here 2,000 years ago I was teaching these people how to live in harmony with the spirit and it was all to do with nature; grow your own food, eat fruit and veg and only drink water,” he said.

“People say Jesus changed water into wine. I didn’t do that, I changed wine into water. Alcohol is bad for you.”

The grandfather of two now plans to run for a seat in parliament at the next election and said he would scrap the TV licence and have children taught at home, if elected.

“Two thousand years ago I went against the government. I told them who I was, what I was here for and that the people were going to have a better life.

“They got rid of me because I went against the government.

“They crucified me.”

By Bobby Rae

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Written by Dario

My name is Dario, I’m 44 years young and I live in Croatia (at the moment). I’m not a writer, so please don’t expect any kind of up level stories or posts from me! 😉 I’m just trying to do my best to put a smile on everyone’s face whenever it’s possible.

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