George Michael opened up about struggling with the death of his first serious boyfriend in his final interview.
The Wham! legend was filming a programme for Channel 4 in the UK when he died suddenly on Christmas Day 2016.
He finished compiling the documentary less than 36 hours before he died.
In the voiceover for the programme he said he felt “picked on my god” during his life.
Freedom, directed by George and his friend David Austin, chronicles the making of the 1990 album Listen Without Prejudice and the subsequent legal battle with his record label.
In a harrowing twist, the story of his life, now released posthumously, is narrated by George himself.
He recalls the death of his first love, Brazilian Anselmo Feleppa, who died of an AIDS related illness in 1993.
“It was the most frightening time of my life,” George says in the documentary.
“I was terrified of losing him. He was my saviour. Finding a companion at that time in my life changed me.”
He later says: “Then when my mum got cancer, I felt so bloody picked on by God.
“I took it very badly, very badly indeed. I’ve never felt that kind of depression.”
The pair met in a hotel lobby when they fell in love almost immediately.
The Mirror says of the programme: “George speaks very movingly about Anselmo being the first love of his life and how important he was in his life.
“It is very emotional and he clearly never forgot him and left a huge impression on George.”
The first trailer for the show, released last week, hears George describe how he was “terribly lonely” during the height of his stardom.
The film includes contributions from a long list of his friends and associates, including his neighbour Kate Moss.
Stevie Wonder, Elton John, Ricky Gervais, Nile Rogers, Mark Ronson, Tracey Emin, Mary J. Blige, Jean Paul Gaultier, James Corden, Tony Bennett and Liam Gallagher also feature in the film.
Gallagher labels the late singer, who he had become friends with in his final years, a “modern day Elvis”.
George Michael: Freedom will air on Channel 4 at 9pm on Monday 16 October./em>